Wednesday, 5 December 2012

We Thought We Knew It All. At First.


My gratitude to my Lord. Maybe I do miss my mom a little. Or maybe a little more than a little. Or maybe much more. I had a proper conversation with her today, after a merajuk strike from her. hehe.. sth I did.

Last summer was my first time to witness a spontaneous a vaginal delivery. Yea big drama when I fainted for that. When I got home during the puasa, my mum came and hugged me, she laid by my side on the bed, and said sth like, 'now you know how hard is it to give birth. and I know you'll be nice to me for the next few days' =p hah, she knew it. She knew what I was thinking exactly. Because when I came home, I only told my parents how I fainted, did not mention anything about what I felt or what came to mind afterwards. How did she manage to pop out 8 healthy kids, thats sth I would admire. The power thats been given to super-moms all around the world. Maybe I do sometimes blame her when we had our disagreements. And she had always told me that her past was worse, that she's now a pretty much a better version of her, given what she had. Well that's true. It's hard to become optimistic after you went thru a lot of struggles. Keeping hopes up and faith strong are real tasks. 

For the past a couple of years, I kept pointing out her mistakes. What she should or shouldn't have done. How I could be a better person if she did what I thot she should. Then a friend reminded me, that we could not keep blaming our parents, because they have done a lot more than we could actually imagine. At first I thot 'well thats pretty much the parents' job, they opt for parenting, they should do it nicely'. But then again, we are humans. Back to basics. It's easy to blame others when you can actually be the change you wanna see happen. As what my dad always said, 'You don't need to have the urge to change people. It's not your job. It's God's job'. 

 So thats it. I have faith in God, in my parents, in my husband, in my family as a whole. I have high hopes for them. May Allah grant us jannah and keep us away from the hellfire.  

I'm flattered that mom already bought me the kain baju kurung for my graduation. She always makes sure I have really nice clothes to wear for every occasion. Hmm also she thot I went merajuk when she bought sth fancy for my bro's gf. Well thats another story. 

Sth sweet she did during my last birthday. She knocked on the door, and gave me roses. And she even made the decoration herself, because she said the florist was charging too much. Haha how sweet, always complaining about how certain things are overpriced. Ayat fav, 'kalau buat sendiri ni murah je'. ;) 

Good things always happen I things are going good with mom. And bad things always happen when things are not going great btwn me n mom. Hah, that's God's job. 

Alhamdulillah I received a good news today. For the first time for such a news. Only gratitude to Allah. 

Special thanks to my beloved husband for always keeping me calm during the stormy weather. I appreciate you in all the different ways I could never tell. I love you so, so, so much! 
(eceh, buat ucapan mcm mnang oscar plak :p)

Blaja plak!

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Things left unsaid


So here's the update. I was trying to get back to blogging again but I couldn't do it at first! It took me a while just to figure out how to create a post. *sigh*
I'm sooo out-dated in this blogging thing that I couldn't even find the sign in bar or anything. Or is it because of the layout that caused the problem. So after a few godek-godek here and there, here I am again =)

And why do I decide to start writing again. Sure one thing is that I'm not the consistent type in doing anything. So bersemangat at first and everything will go down the drain and I will pick them up again after a while. Arr~

Another thing is, because of the subject Clinical Biochemistry. Yea, does not sound related. Believe me, it was one of the triggers. I was in class on Monday when the subject first started to roll, and guess what, the lecture got so boring (yup, shud've guessed that folks) and I got my phone in hands and it hit me to check on my blog that's been left untouched for a year now. I re-read some of the posts and it occurred to me that I might have forgotten all about the stuff if I never wrote them in the first place.

Every post has a story behind it. And when I looked at all the pictures again, they remind me so much of the good and fun stuff I had in the last few years. So much for reminiscing, eh? Well it's a sign of ageing you know. 

I read this one old post and I saw the picture of me with the sad face and the entry was about me complaining how hard the day has been, how hard was the test, (and I think I failed. hahaha), and hungry I was, how I was stood up by a friend, bla3.. all the bad stuff. But then I remembered, one thing I did not mention about in the blog was, it was that very evening, in Old Town Square, near the Astronomical clock, (all the dramas need good settings right?),  that I told a friend, 'He's the one'. Even thou I did not get a good reply from that friend of mine, (by good I mean sth like 'congratulations' or 'I wish you the best' or anything pleasing to the ears =p), I was pretty much confident at that time. That friend told me that it was too early to jump into anything, or maybe I was too fragile or anything. But then my reply was sth like, 'You could say anything you want, but I know he's the one'. 
Looking back, I know I still don't regret what I said. And now that 'one' person has become an awesome, awesome husband of mine =) and I wanna write this down because I will, want to be the in the future and re-read this and smile. One of the things I'm glad I did. 

So much for sharing a love story. Haha.. Well it's because I've decided to focus on the pretty things that's happening or have happened in my life. I is trying. Chase away all the bad or negative thoughts that will only gimme headaches. See, I even write that one small so that I don't have to focus on them. Haha. I is trying still. 

Public Health state exam is tomorrow. *freaking out begins as I haven't finished studying the first round*

Thats for now. A long one.

Me, My Husband and food go well together. Taken from our honeymoon in Venice, A lunch at the Grand Canal